


Welcome to prisneyland. Population Aaron.

by Internetmeep



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Alcohol, M/M, Original Character(s), Prison, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-09-19 18:06:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 10,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9453545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Internetmeep/pseuds/Internetmeep
Summary: NOT A CANON FICHe had meant to do it. Yes he was drunk and angry and he regrets hitting him but he cant take it back. He would be dragged down. But can he survive prison life?





	1. Just one mistake, is all it will take.

**Author's Note:**

> I cant believed this has had to become a non-canon fic. I cant believe i have to specify it. The sad puppy doesnt deserve this!!!! I have never been arrested and so am only going off things like prison break and oitnb and scenes from Emmerdale.

Aaron knew that changing his statement maybe wasn't the wisest decision but he was scared. When he first wrote his statement, describing that Kasim deserved everything he had coming and that he was proud of what he had done as well as enraged that Vic pulled him off the homophobe, the plan was to try to get the worst sentence he could imagine. After what happened with Katie, with punching Robert he deserved everything that was coming for him. But he was scared; who could blame him when the last time he was locked up was hell. He had time to think sitting in the cell his mind wandering thinking how much he hated himself and how much he craved... no, wait, it wasn't just a craving. Yes this is an addiction but it's way more than a crave. He needed to feel the sharp pain of relief and of solidarity that reminds him that he is human. He is human. Yes sometimes he feels like all he does is hurt people but he is human. And humans make mistakes. They have emotions. They feel angry, upset.... scared. Thinking like this made him realise he couldn't face prison like this. Couldn't cope for the duration of the sentence he deserved. He had to change his statement.

"This statement completely contradicts everything you have previously written Mr Dingle. I don't think it is wise to change your statement so close to the trial."

"I'm not having my own account being a lie. I need something on my side. Anything" 

 He just hoped,  begged it was enough. He knew he was going to prison. He admitted the crime. He knew that nothing could prevent him from getting sent down. After all, he was being charged with GBH and that isn't exactly  the best offense expecially with a record and previously being on trial for ABH. He knew there was no escape from a cell but he was hoping he would be able to go back to his fiance soon, he wasn't sure how long he could cope, Robert had grown to mean everything to him and he was so scared Robert wouldn't want to stay if the sentence was too large.

He shook that thought out of his head, knowing that Robert would never cheat on him. Trying to know at least because it wasn't that he didn't trust Robert it was sustainable that he knew he could never be good enough for him and deserved so much better than him. Why should you expect somebody else to love you when you can't even loved yourself? But the thing was, Aaron loved Robert like Robert was himself and he spent so much focus on loving he couldn't tell her was loved back. Maybe he didn't know what being loved felt like. Being loved because of who he is not because he is family.

As expected he was found guilty and sentenced to 12 months imprisonment, managing to persuade Chas that it would probably be 6 months if he managed to stay out of trouble. He knew that wouldn't be easy but he also knew what the stakes were. If he just didn't retaliate he could stand a chance of not loosing his fiance and that's all that is important to him.

He knew how it worked. Fill out your medical records, get searched, change into the super flattering tracksuit.! Oh well at least everyone wears the same thing. Even if it is impossible for people to see how good his ass looks in jogging bottoms. Not like he was going to cheat on Robert but it is nice to know people want you. And finally get escorted to your room. Where you get to learn who it is you have an extended sleepover with. Extended sleepover, extended to 6-12 months.

 His roommate seemed nice enough, for a criminal. Aaron was slightly concerned about his size. He was well built which probably means he has been here a while and, Aaron was convinced getting on his bad side could result in a nap that he wouldn't wake up from.

"You been inside before" the guy asked, seeming friendly but you can never be completely certain of people's intent when mind and opinions are completely changed from one day to the next.

"Yeah" aaron replied not overly paying attention. He was too busy trying to soak in his surroundings. Get used to the noise before lights out, hoping that getting used to the noise now would mean an easier nights sleep. Not like he would probably get any sleep the first night anyway with the stiffness of the mattress and the new environment: both things he would get used to, but the biggest problem was not something he could overcome. Robert. Or more specifically the lack of. He hadn't slept by himself for a while, choosing to stay awake until it was impossible to keeps his eyes open in jail. And he wasn't sure how that would work out. He started thinking about how homesick he was buthe before he got emotional (thank God,  he didn't want to deal with crying in prison) his train of thought was interrupted.

"Great makes my life easier. What's your name kid?

Aaron didn't like the idea of being a kid even though this guy looked 10 if not 20 years older than him.

"Aaron"

"You're Livesy? Why didn't you say sooner, I heard about your adventures last time you were in here. You're actually a legend. What you did with the food, you revolutionised prison"

"Dingle now, had my name changed, I didn't exactly do anything I just mixed dessert in with the rest of the food"

"Aah new identity. Yeah gave it some flavour you did"

They continued talking about whatever came into their minds. Anything to pass the time until it was time for the meal. Aaron noticed it wasn't just 3 or 4 inmates that chose to eat their meal the way Aaron had liked his last time he was inside, but the whole prison. Every single convict eating food his way. It was almost like he was the jock in the trashy high-school movies Vic made him watch, setting the trends that everyone else followed.

By lights out Aaron was feeling increasingly better about staying here, however his peacefulness didn't last long as it was now time for the much dreaded first night. He lay awake staring blankly at the door of his cell. For the first hour or so, he just stared, his mind empty, too exhausted to do anything else. But his body had found its way sunk into the mattress and he was starting to feel more able, which meant his mind started drifting. He thought of everything he has done wrong. How he never read his dad's letter and his mind filling with possibilities of what it might of said. I'm sorry I did those horrible things to you. You deserved everything you got and if I stood any chance of getting out you would be sure to pay for what you did to me. how DaRE YOU try and set me up like this.

It is times like this he really wished he could get his hands on a blade. He knew it would be possible eventually but he had, so far, only been out of his cell once and that was to eat. He needed a blade. That would be tomorrow's goal.

After more than half the night his brain had also become too exhausted and he drifted into sleep. He thanked God that it wasn't a nightmare as he didn't think he could deal with a nightmare by himself just yet and knew he wasn't prepared for the discussion that a nightmare would inevitably lead to with his roommate.


	2. Call me maybe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight mentions of sexual thoughts. Nothing over a 12 rating though.
> 
> I'm sorry if the dialect and/or idiolect and/or French is a bit wrong. I'm trying but I'm a southerner, and have only done french in school for 5 years and most of this hasn't come up. I could talk about holidays or school for 10 minutes straight but...

He woke up to the sounds of prison, the guards waking up the prisoners. He still felt numb from the night before and was in drastic need of a coffee. Even if coffee could do nothing for his body, he was desperate to release his brain from the pounding headache that was brought by the sensory overload and sleep deprivation.

"First night is always tough to get used to my friend" He heard from the other side of the room. "Come have some breakfast. It helps. You must be pretty tired. But don't worry, it gets easier."

But going to breakfast brought a new problem, where to sit. He had managed to get a seat by himself for tea last night, but he knew he could not afford to sit by himself again. He couldn't afford to be seen as weak or purposely give the other prisoners any reason to see him as vulnerable. He realised that his best option was to go and sit with his roommate. luckily he was accepted into the group and his roommate started to introduce him.

"This is Aaron. Aaron this is Tweener, Lipschitz, Cicero, Pensatucky, and Lacroix; he's French, not too great at English but we like the company.   and I completely forgot to introduce myself didn't I. I'm Hunter, Mick Hunter."

"Hi" Aaron said wondering if that made him seem soft.

"Bonjour,  je m'appelle Aaron. J'ai 25 ans. Erm... je suis dans prison pour disputes. il était á l'hôpital. Aaron said, trying his best to work out what could possibly make enough sense, but what he said was incorrect and he completely butchered the pronounciation.

Oh non, c'est trop sévère, oui.

Oui, cependent il était horrible avec, pour, dans, mon copine et j'était furieux. Pardon, mais mon français ce n'est pas parfait. Aaron replied trying his best but simply not knowing the right word. He hoped the phrase he was horrible with, for, in my friend. Maybe in wasn't the best choice of word, thinking about it but he just hoped it made sense.

Non. Ce n'est pas une problème. J'aime bavarde.

"How do you know french" Hunter asked, curious, and really trying to spy on what they were saying.

"I was arrested a few years back, escaped to France." Aaron replied deciding that he probably said too much already and it was best to leave it at that.

The group talked about how prison works and what everyone was sent down for. Lipschitz and Cicero both for manslaughter, Pensatucky dealing, Tweener, no surprise he was very young, was sent down for possession. And Mick for possession of a firearm and intent to use. Aaron even felt comfortable enough to join in with the conversation. "GBH" He announced and everyone just smiled, no questions asked. They didn't need to, after all it wasn't anyone's business.

"Oh, erm we have phone calls in 5 minutes. Is there anyone you want to contact. Bare in mind that the guards have to listen in so I wouldn't suggest sexting." Lipschitz called out. "I mean you can if you want but only if I can listen in."

"Yes I know who to call and no I will not be sexting."

He was so excited to let his mum know how he was doing. He needed do make sure she was okay. He was so worried about her, being stuck in here without being able to check up on her, it kinda scared him.

But by the time he reached the phone, he found it wasn't his mother's number he subconsciously typed into the phone, but Robert's.

"Hello?" He called, deciding not to name anyone in case he messed up the number, or in case someone else picked up he phone. Honestly he was kinda nervous to hear his voice, even though it had only been a day he missed him already. He hardly slept last night and his fiance never left his mind.

"Aaron" a voice replied confirming that he did call his fiance. He mentally kicked himself that he didn't call his mother.

"How's me mum" Aaron asked, knowing he wouldn't have the opportunity to ask her today, but instead have to settle with description.

"Yeah she's okay, I'll talk to her, let her know you called. How are you holding up?"

"Better than expected honestly, me roommate is alright, yeah no, I'm good"

"That's nice to hear. I miss you Aaron I can't sleep without you home."

"Me neither. The bed isn't too comfy either. At least dinners okay."

"That's good."

"Sorry I'm going to have to say goodbye, there's people behind me" aaron said seeing the inmates behind him getting impatient.

"Okay, I love you" Robert said. Aaron didn't reply. Knowing you have a partner outside is a sign of weakness. It shows somebody cares about you. Add even though most inmates let this weakness slide for themselves, Aaron was not trying to make himself seem weak on purpose. He knew he would be made weak enough by accident and he didn't want to give anyone a reason to hit him. Not yet. He needed his mum to see him without a black eye or any other visible bruises at least once. He couldn't let her worry. She doesn't deserve that. All Chas has ever done is been their for him. And yes he now knows that's what family should do, but even so he is so grateful for everything that his mum has done for him. She supported him when she first found out about his self harming, his sexuality, the court trial... all she has ever done is support him through tough times and she deserves way more than he gave.

When he got outside he decided he would do some weight training as well as some cardio. He could almost imagine how turned on Robert would be for his body. For the muscles that he would work on, because, there isn't much else to do in prison. He had to get that thought out of head, despite how pleasant it was and how much he wanted to think about his fiance and the sex they would have as soon as he was out. God it had only been a day and he was already craving Robert's body. He wasn't sure if this made him desperate, if it meant he was horny, or just that he was so smitten, so in love with Robert, that he could take stand not being with him.

All this thought of Robert made him subconsciously work out more than he anticipated. His heart palpitated from exertion. And his breathing heavy. He felt faint, from him not eating as much as he should have from prison meals. He knew he couldn't pass out, as who knew what state he would be in when, or even if, he woke up.

The rest of the day went quickly, but because of the exercise he had done, he was feeling more mentally stimulated than normal, and knew it would be virtually impossible to get any sleep. It was difficult last night, and he was tired. With not having his fiance sleeping. No kicking him. By his side he would never be able to fall into a peaceful slumber. And with theach hardness of his mattress he stood absolutely no chance in falling asleep. He was worried about how he would last through the day tomorrow, knowing the exercise would mean his limbs would be completely exhausted and numb tomorrow. And numbness was never a sensation that fits well with Aaron. Or any self-harmer for that matter. Numbness, although a usual sensation, is not one that feels comfortable. And is one that is not in any way preferable to the pain that comes with the beauty and relaxing sensation of the crimson red liquid that flows gently down his skin. Complementing his pale complexion perfectly with the darkness of the colour. Tomorrow would be tough. Aaron was certain of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes I did take the names from the flash, prison break, oitnb and Chicago. Look I am not very creative, forgive me.


	3. A tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relapse and therapy

He woke up with more energy than the previous day. His mind had been a blur for most of the morning and he was spacing out whenever he stood still for too long. He didn't even remember having a shower yesterday, wondering if he spaced out or was so uncomfortable showering with strangers that he erased it from his memory. All he knew is that he was really not looking forward to it today.

He slowly took his shirt off, feeling the eyes piercing his skin. A sensation he was used to but the tool different and it made him uncomfortable. He was feeling so self-conscious of the scars but continued to shower, hoping that minding his own business would mean he would get left alone.

"God damn it, looks like we got another pussy on our hands guys. Be careful what you say. He might try and top himself." He heard from the other side of the showers. Yes the words hurt but he didn't want to turn around. He didn't need, nor did he want the confrontation, so he simply stayed quiet.

"I bet you love the showers, no one can tell if it's water or tears huh"

"Hey why don't you back off. He doesn't need to explain himself to you." Aaron heard Hunter shout back. He didn't want someone else to fight his battles for him. He didn't need it.

"Aah but he does, we have therapy later, and I'm so sorry that I was picking on your boyfriend. Kinda confused as to why you're not standing next to him, waiting for him to drop the soap." Was the reply.

Aaron was grateful that he had stopped picking on him, but he didn't want Hunter to get picked on either. Wait, was it really that obvious that he was gay, and not only gay, but a Bottom? Maybe being in an engagement meant he was becoming soft.

But before he could reply, Hunter was being pulled off the guy by a guard and everyone was sent back to their room while it was sorted out.

Aaron waited in his room, hoping Hunter wouldn't get in trouble, as he felt it necessary to explain himself. 

He couldn't believe that the guy knew so much about him from observation. What else does he know? Does he know about Jackson? Just thinking about Jackson brought it all back in his head. He vividly pictured his ex lying in bed and him forcing that drink down his throat. He remembered how much he missed him. Yes he loves Robert with everything, but Jackson was his first boyfriend and he died in his arms. That's not something you can forget easily. He remembered the accident and how much he hated himself and then he remembered the suicide video, where Jackson told him he loved him, and he found himself unable to think clearly. Unable to see straight. He tried to shove those thoughts to the back of his mind but they had been stuck there for the last 4 days. He just couldn't help himself. He grabbed a shiv that he had managed to obtain and began to drag it along his stomach, but he didn't press that deep, having to remind his body how to allow his mind to be at rest. He barely drew blood so he tried again. This time focusing on pressing his hand into his stomach. This was deep. 

"Fuck" he said audibly knowing it was close to being stitches worthy.

Just at that moment Hunter walked in...

"Shit Aaron what have you done" He asked knowing exactly what had been done.

"Erm... Nothing" Aaron said as he fell off the bed and frantically pulled down his shirt. He was pretty certain that Hunter had seen everything.

"I've dealt with worse. It's fine." Desperately, Aaron called out, not wanting to get sent to medical.

Hunter decided it was probably best to leave it and not get involved with Aaron's life. He didn't think Aaron would want to hell him, and if he did, he would surely say in therapy.

"Erm, I'm sorry you got roped into my fight."

"Don't let what he said get to heart. He is so homophobic, I'm pretty sure he is convinced that everyone in here is gay. And as long as it didn't bother you then it didn't bother me."

"Oh. I thought he figured it out." Aaron said being comfortable enough to share this one piece of information with his roommate. "You see I'm engaged to a man. And I have been in the paper before, as well as arrested over previous boyfriends. I guess well I was a bit paranoid."

"You're ENGAGED? That's... AMAZING. Congratulations. So who's the lucky guy then. What's he like, I know we have therapy in 10, but give me as much goss as you can til then." Aaron had never met another guy before who was so interested in his love life as Mick Hunter was.

"Well, his name is Robert he's tall, blonde, bisexual oh and he's murdered someone. Also I once got arrested because the police thought I shot him."

'I'm sorry, WHAT!" Mick said, shocked. 

"His name is Robert Sugden. He has blonde hair and blue eyes. He's super hot" Aaron said slower, trying to take him for an idiot.

"No. Of course. But who did he murder and why did the police think you shot him?"

"He murdered his brothers wife when she saw us make out on his wedding day. She threatened to tell his wife-to-be. Police thought I shot him because I as angry at him. When actually it was his brother in revenge for murdering his wife."

"Oh" was all Mick could say. Then it was time for group therapy. Aaron hadn't had it yet but he knew it was going to be awful. He hated therapy when it was 1-1 and now there are plenty of criminals listening to his problems. No thank you.

He got into the room to see the therapist in one chair, and a circle of chairs around her. How cliché he though to himself but he still proceeded to join the circle. Because there were some new faces the therapist decided to make everyone introduce themselves. She is called Molly and the guy trying to fight him was called Steve and is in for shoplifting and arson. As much, as Aaron didn't want to be there he decided to give it a shot so introduced himself. In 2 words no less but he thought Aaron GBH would suffice for now.

"So for those who are new, last time we were discussing guilt. Anyone want to share?" Molly said, trying to start the discussion.

A couple people felt guilty about the crime they committed, which Molly insisted was understandable and tried to come up with suggestions on how to control the guilt. Noticing, that Aaron was looking bored and generally not participating, Molly asked him what he felt guilty about.

He sat in silence. Not wanting to bring up Jackson or Katie or never reading his dad's letter.

"Come on Aaron, there must be something. Do you feel guilty about the GBH, maybe you could tell us about that."

"No. But, thinking about it, mum sent me to the chippie and I didnt get 'er pot of currie. I feel guilty that I let her down." Aaron replied with an obviously hyperbolic sarcasm.

"Look, if you don't participate, that just makes you look bad."

"Fine, I don't care. Add another year to my sentence because quite frankly, this is the biggest load of bull I've ever been a part of." Aaron said, hurt and anger seeping into his voice.

He got up, knocking the chair over as he stood, and left the room. He didn't have the energy to do this today.

"Why don't you guys continue to share?" Mollie said looking over at the guards before leaving to go look for Aaron.

It didn't take long to find him. He was sitting on the floor his head in his arms and his knees curled up to his stomach.

"Let me guess, you feel guilty about a lot of things. Because of your reaction today I have to give you one to one sessions so you might as well make my first session easier." Molly said in a soothing voice.

"Two people are dead because of me and I used my dad raping me as a child as an excuse to ignore his cries for help before he committed suicide in a prison cell that I sent him to." 

"Oh I see." Molly said pulling him in for support and to calm him down. "You should tell someone about today is there anyone you want me to contact for you. And I will recommend you are prescribed an antidepressant. You will have a session with me tomorrow to see what, if anything else I can prescribe"

"Yeah can you call Robert, my fiance. Can you tell him I relapsed also that I don't want him to visit tomorrow? I can't see him yet. Thank you Molly. For everything."

They just sat there, Aaron still in Molly's arms as she realised exactly what she let herself in for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got longer than expected and I write at night so it's half 12 in the morning. It got cut short for that reason but I hope it sort of made sense whereally I left off


	4. Please... Is Aaron Okay?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From inside the house, following Robert  
> The phone call between him and Molly

It was getting late. The sort of late where dinner had already been eaten and the family was sat around the sofa. Curled up into anyone and everyone watching a soap on the telly. The sort of late where most nights you would be lucky to see Liv anywhere other than in her room watching YouTube. But, for some reason, Liv was downstairs that night, staring at the telly screen, not really paying attention to anything that was going on. Nor was anyone else to be honest. This family tradition felt weird without having the one person that linked the whole family together. They felt less like a family than usual. Chas was nobodies mum, Liv was nobodies sister and Robert certainly wasn't anyone's fiance. He was feeling the most awkward of them all. He hadn't seen Aaron since he was sent down and hadn't spoken to him since the phone call on the second day and he missed him. Robert was completely aware of how pathetic he seemed but he was completely smitten. He knew that and everyone else in the village knew that. He missed looking into his eyes, he missed trying to get him to smile or laugh whenever he could. He missed watching him sleep and waking him up to calm him down when he had nightmares. Thinking about going to bed with Aaron made him realise just how tired he was. It was only early evening but he had been working as much as he could in the hope keeping busy would remove Aaron from his mind. It didn't work when he started the affair. It didn't work when he was holding a gun to his head. The truth was, ever since he had first seen Aaron, his face, his body, his personality had become lodgers in his mind. They had set up shop and never left, and they never will do. He was tired and it was late. So he did not expect anyone to bother him when he stood up to go to bed. Especially in the form of a phone call.

"Do you not realise how late it is?" Robert asked rudely. He wanted to go to bed. Even if he was struggling to sleep in it because his fiance's scent had still lingered between the pillows.

"Oh I'm so sorry, I guess I lost track of time, but it's important that you listen to me. My name is Molly. I work at the prison where Aaron Dingle is currently being held at. I'm the councillor and psychiatrist. Is this Robert Sugden?"

"Yes it is" Robert said wondering why someone from the prison would be calling him, wait not just anyone a psychiatrist. Oh god. He though to himself. That means Aaron's in trouble. "Please... is Aaron okay?"

"I'm sorry, but there has been an incident. He was asked a question about guilt and lashed out" Molly replied completely ignoring his question which made him even more concerned that previously. "Because of his behaviour today during group therapy, we were forced to medicate him and give him therapy. We are very concerned and we may have to send him to the psych ward to put him on suicide watch." 

He felt his heart, ripping into a million pieces, this was all his fault. If he hadn't argued with Aaron that night he would have never have punched Kasim. The anger that was felt for him, was taken out on somebody else. Someone who had to go to hospital for the actions that he caused. He was the one who should be locked up. Not Aaron. Aaron didn't deserve the actions that were set against him. Aaron was trying to get Robert out of his mind with alcohol. Just like he tried to do when he split with Chrissie that first time. See, he had never told anyone, but that night, that day, he was thinking about whether he should use the robbery as a means of coming out so that he could be with Aaron, but he wasn't ready to come out to anybody. Yes his dad had found out previously and he was the most scary person. He had hit him for who he was, leathered him for the person he was attracted to. He had bottled it until he met Aaron and it made him feel like he should just come out and tell. He wanted to be with Aaron so badly at that point he tried to wash him away with alcohol because he wasn't ready to admit it then. But now, now he loved him so much and he didn't want to forget. But he said some things he didn't mean and Aaron had. All Aaron did was try to forget and take his anger out on someone who deserved it. Maybe not to the extent that Aron was feeling but he did need a smack.

"Will I still be able to see him tomorrow?" He asked desperate to know how bad it was.

"Unfortunately, he asked me if you wouldn't come and visit, and it's against staff policy to let people in that in any way could harm the prisoner. I know that you are his fiance and i'm sorry. But if he doesn't want to see you then the staff cannot let you in. And in his state, harming him in anyway could be bad. He said he relapsed. He didn't say what that meant though and I know it's supposed to come from the prisoner but would you mind telling me what he meant. It would make therapy a lot easier tomorrow."

"He er... he self-harms. As far as I am aware he hasn't cut himself in a while but he used to. Robert said. His arm going limp as he burst into tears. He dropped the phone down the stairs.

"Are you okay love..." Chas said as she walked into the hallway. When she realised he wasn't she hung-up the phone and sat beside him. "From what I heard, that was about Aaron wasn't it" she questioned. All Robert could do was nod, as he pulled his hands up to hold his face. Chas pulled him in for a hug. "I know he has been having a hard time but he will be able to get help in prison. There are plenty of qualified staff. He will be okay.

"But... He isn't now and nor am I. I know he doesn't have that long inside... but I miss him. It scares me being alone. And to know he's struggling and it's all my fault doesn't make it any easier." Chas was about to ask how it was his fault but, before she got a chance, he had got up and started to leave

"I'm going for a walk, need to clear me head"

"But... It's chucking it down, you'll need a coat" She warned.

He ignored the caution and found himself wandering to the bridge. He knew that's where Aaron went to clear his head and something about that seemed somehow appropriate. But he saw the bridge in the distance and couldn't face it. He went to the only person he knew would listen. Vic.

Vic heard the knock. It now being about 10.30 at night and she wondered who would be turning up on her doorstep uninvited at this time of night. She went to open the door, to see a miserable looking Robert standing staring at his feet. 

"Hello Rob. God you're absolutely soaking... come in and get dry" She said, knowing that he had no idea that the door he was standing behind was open and the person he needed to see was trying to invite him in.

"I'm sorry, I know it's late but I need to talk... and I was wondering if i could couch surf for a night" he said as she lured him inside. 

"Of course you can. Let me get you a towel and some clean clothes to sleep in. You must be freezing, you'll catch your death if you're not careful." So he followed her up the stairs, up to the landing while she grabbed him a towel, outside her bedroom while she grabbed some of Adam's clothes for him to wear.

Once he got dry and changed they met on the sofa. "So what's up? Is it Aaron?" Vic asked. She always managed to know what was going on and she would always listen and try to help.

"I'm worried about him, Vic. He's relapsed in that prison and it's all my fault and he wont even let me go and see him to apologise and I shouldn't have said all those horrible things,Vic, and I love him and I can't even tell him that because he's hurting and I don't know what to do anymore and" He said rambling; Vic just listened like he knew she would.

"I need a drink..." Robert said. He knew from experience that alcohol doesn't help get the problems out of his head but it will calm him down. He went to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Vodka as well as a glass and returned to the sofa. He poured himself a glass neat and downed it as fast as he could. The stinging of his throat didn't even matter anymore. He needed to get wasted, hammered, smashed, fucked, pissed. He needed to get the alcohol into his system as fast as possible. However all it was doing was reminding him of aaron. How his lips feat pressed against his own. The ways they would fight for dominance. His mouth curved into a smile.

"Okay, That's enough. If you are not sick tonight you will definitely be feeling it tomorrow." Vic said as she grabbed the bottle from him and grabbed a bucket from the kitchen. "Just in case yeah"

Vic helped lay him down and placed a blanket on top of him. Then she went to grab the ibuprofen from the cabinet and a glass of water. By the time she placed them on the table in front of him he was fast asleep.


	5. Give me therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Therapy 'n stuff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who is on study leave at school but procrastinating their GCSE revision? HINT it's me. That means you get some updates. ((Lucky you) guess i'm gonna fail)

Rays of sunlight filled the room. His stomach stinging. The tight fabric of his clothes pressing into his cuts. He began to remember the events of the day before. He wasn't going to lie he regretted it since he promised himself he wouldn't cut again since the events of last time. He shuddered thinking about it. Waking up in the hospital with Robert; escaping the hospital and letting everybody in the village know how pathetic he was, how he bottled his emotions and then nearly killed himself. By accident. What sort of fuck up accidentally kills themselves, it should be done on purpose or not at all. He didn't want to kill himself. The cuts reminded him he was still. Still there, still valid and still fighting.

The inmates went to line up for pills before going to breakfast. Aaron didn't want to take anti-depressants. He wasn't depressed he was stuck. Stuck in this shitty life that was forced upon him. The only issue he had was the issue of misfortune. But, he reluctantly took the pill, not wanting to be in even more trouble than he was already in he didn't want any more problems, he was already being forced into therapy that he didn't need.

At breakfast, he sat with his friends/ Acquaintances. They had heard about what happened previously and were interested in the gossip.

"So..." Lipschitz started. "Heard you stormed out of group therapy. You must be in so much shit. how much trouble did you get in?"

"I have therapy today and have been prescribed pills"

"Seriously. No trouble at all? Guess Molly likes you. You gonna ask her on a date when you escape?"

"He's engaged" Mick piped up. It made him grateful that the subject of my sexuality wouldn't have to come up as we were escorted back to our rooms.

It was not long after I go back that I was taken up to therapy. I was dreading it. It's bad enough chatting in a group but having a conversation privately. It was daunting.

So daunting in fact that Aaron decided he wasn't going to speak to her. Why should he, when he had nothing to say.

"You know I can't do my job without having anything to go on." Molly said trying to prompt a conversation but it wouldn't help because there was nothing needed to be said. "I spoke to Robert last night, like you asked me to. When i told him you relapsed he mentioned something about self-harm... do you self-harm Aaron? And there has been many medical records hinting at this as well as attempted suicide just over six years ago."

"Been doing your research have ya? I bet youve gone through me record as well. Know all about Jackson and Robert. Yeah I self harm. Do you want me to show you?" He asked with a lot more confidence than he expected himself to have. Knowing that his last therapist didn't want to see but still desperately trying to argue with her.

"I have seen your records. I know about the previous abh, the murder charge, the shooting and amongst other things, the fire which you didn't get sent down for, how come."

"I didn't do it." Aaron said. How bored he was becoming increasingly obvious.

"Okay... So tell me about Robert, your fiancé?" Molly asked changing her tactics.

"Erm..."Aaron said thinking it was a weird question, that definitely was not about him. "Well he's blonde, a nerd, but he's one of those nerds that hides it. He acts like a villain most of the time. I mean Katie's only dead 'cos." Aaron paused. He couldn't believe he nearly talked about Katie's death. Man she was good.

"What happened with Katie." Molly asked.

"Will it stay in Here?  You can't get him arrested can you?"

"No, I am a councillor. I'm not going to say anything. What is said in my office stays in my office"

"Well Robert was getting married but I was jealous. I couldn't handle it so I tried to blow the affair. I figured if someone knew he was having sex with me behind his wife's back then he would have no choice, you know. That he would have to choose me. I told her to go to an old house saying that I would give her proof I told him I loved him and we kissed. Katie took a photo. I can't remember why but for some stupid reason I left. They got into a row and he pushed her through the floor. It was an accident on his part which means it was all my fault."

"But you said it was an accident, you didn't know the house was unsafe did you... do you have any other stories. You were saying you were guilty of a lot?"

 Aaron simply nodded. And Molly started writing which freaked him out. She explained she was writing a therapy plan for him that would get him more comfortable with his past.

His therapy was during yard time so he was escorted outside.

"Hey fag. You had fun crying to Molly" He heard. It was the guy from the showers.

"Be as pretend homophobic as you like I'm not going to fuck you. I'm not into that," Aaron shouted back, knowing he was about to get beaten up. Despite his anger he couldn't retaliate. He couldn't stand being away from Robert for any longer than he had to be. He missed him already.

Aaron was being swung at. He was hit twice in the face and despite what he previously decided was forced to retaliate. You do not want to get knocked out in prison so he swung back. A couple guards ran up to them and pulled them appart before taking them to the head guard. They were both sent to get cleaned up before being punished by being sent to the shu*. Aaron was given less time because he was defending himself. As they were getting cleaned up, Molly walked in.

"You okay Aaron" she asked. He proceded to tell her what happened. That he was sent to the shu. She promised him she would sort it.

"I'm sorry, I know it's your decision but based on his psych assessment from the last few days he wouldn't last 5 minutes in the shu. I honestly thinks it's better sending him to psych ward. I'm concerned he will hurt himself again. Or worse..."

"Okay... I will look into it, but he will have to stay in the shu for tonight. Ifor you think he won't last 5 minutes, we are going to have to see."

So, Molly was left panicked and Aaron was left in the shu. By himself, with his thoughts, overnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *solitary confinement


	6. Hungover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Robert's pov

Rays of sunlight filled the room. His head pounding. He tried to focus on his and Aaron's room but all that did was make him feel even more nauseous and disorientated. He remembered he left home and had slept on his sisters sofa. As his eyes adjusted to the light he sawas Adam standing in front of him. As well as a glass of water and some pills he desperately needed which he took with pleasure.

"I was hoping I would never have to see you on my couch since you moved in with Aaron.  But here we are. Guess I was right you missed seeing me naked too mcuh that you had to move back in. Shame I got dressed though. And you're wearing my clothes Too?  Definitely a stalker" Adam mocked.

"Urgh..." Was all Robert was able to answer. The ibuprofen hadn't kicked in yet and Adam's voice sounded like he was standing in the front row of Leeds Festival. Speakers blasting in his ears.

"Let him rest." Vic said as the heard of elephants ran down the stairs. "You know what them two are like. So smitten that he probably hasn't got a wink of sleep since he left."

Vic was right. Robert hadn't been to sleep without force on his own., and at most that gave him an hour per night. With the hangover he was completely exhausted and sleep deprived. He wasn't completely sure if it was the alcohol, the lack of sleep or something else entirely. He hadn't adapted to being a singular being. He wasn't single because there was no way he would ever break up with or cheat on Aaron but he didn't have him there. They were trying out long distance except the main thing keeping them apart was where Aaron currently was in his head. Robert was so worried about Aaron that he had forgotten to worry or take much care of himself and his body was starting to regret it. Soon Robert passed out on the sofa. The body has it's limits and for a pre-middle aged, unfit, man who kinda enjoys a beer this was a prominent sensation.

For the first time since Aaron was arrested, Robert's sleep was long and undisturbed. He knew Aaron was not okay, but he seemed to have an excellent support system. Liv was safely with Chas and he knew he should be able to relax for a minuite. He was able to relax.

By the time he woke up Vic and Adam were nowhere to be seen. But he found a note saying that they had gone to the woolpack at half 8. He looked for his phone, until he remembered he left it on the stairs. So he turned the telly on to find the time. It was 10pm. He had slept throughout the day. He didn't want to go to the pub. Go back to face Chas but at the same time, the only reason he was at Vic and Adam's was to fight the loneliness, so he reluctantly went to the pub. Maybe he just needed a drink.

"What's the strongest drink you have?" He asked Charity who was serving. 

"I'm sorry Robert, I'm not allowed to serve you, Chas' orders" Charity replied seeing how tired and probably hungover he looked. She knew how hard it must be for him, not having Aaron glued to his waist. She wondered how he'd ever coped before him.

Robert went to find Vic, but realised she was nowhere to be seen which probably meant she was in the kitchen and there was some sort of emergency. There was always some sort of emergency so he wasn't too worried.

He went through to the back hoping he could slip in and find his phone, but Vic, Adam and Chas were sat on the sofa, as if they were waiting for him. It reminded him of being sent into the headteachers office as a child. All of a sudden he felt nervous about what was happening. 

"What's going on?" He asked reluctantly.

"We're worried about you. We don't think you are coping quite as well as perhaps you should be. And I know Aaron's struggling I don't have to remind you about that but I think you are struggling as much as he is." Chas replied acknowledging the trouble he was in. "You're my son in law, and you care so much about Aaron. You need someone to care for you."

"W...what do you Mean?" He asked suddenly concerned about what she was hintingood the. 

"Talk to us Rob," Vic replied butting in. Only trying to be the caring and supporting sister she has always been.

"Aaron's only in prison 'cos of me. I'm the one who dumped him and he got drunk the same way I would to try to forget someone who's taken up a permanent residence. I shouldn't have said what i did, and 'cos I did Kasim got battered. The only people I have ever loved have been taken from me. Me mum. Aaron. I love him " 

"I know you do" Vic said pulling his now sobbing figure into her arms. "You can't take back what happened to mum but you havent lost Aaron. Not yet. Not yet, and you won't because you always find a way back to each other."

Robert knew Vic was right but that didn't stop him being scared for his fiance.


	7. Making friends with shadows on my wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solitary, Aaron has a breakdown.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have never experienced a breakdown but i am writing from a place of severe depression with a history of self harm. I am aware it is not very accurate in a breakdown but I feel like in the emotions I am experienced enough to talk about it.

Aaron was taken to the shu. It had a small mattress on the floor in one corner and a toilet in another but nothing else. The ceiling was high and had a few led lights in. It was around 2 metres square in size. It wasn't very well lit as the lights were flickering. It didn't feel like a room. It was a campsite in a factory for mice. It was a box. It was an oversized airing cupboard.

Aaron presumed he had a few hours til he ate and a few more fter that unail the lights would be out in f-wing so he did the only thing he could do in a cell with nothing in it and so he worked out. In fact he worked out too much. Doing press ups, sit ups and jogging on the spot anything that stopped his mind from wandering thinking how much he hated himself for beating that guy up. He didn't need to worry about what would happen if he passed out. That was one perk of segregation. He didn't have to deal with any other inmates. Any homophobic remarks that watered not even completly aimed at him.

By the time he was given his tea he was utterly exhausted. But he didn't feel like eating. He pushed the tray back towards the door do the guards could reach it.

He hated himself for retaliating and he was really starting to regret refusing to see Robert. All he could think about was trying to find a way to hurt himself in the cooler. The only way he could think of was hitting the wall. He felt so fucking angry that he was in this situation. He lashed out and threw his hand into the wall. The sound muffled by the paint on the wall and drowned out by the thick metal door. He hit it again and again, tears started pouring out his eyes. He wasn't crying he just felt so numb and all he needed was to feel something. Pain, anger, sadness. Anything but being numb.

He kept hitting the wall until he had sunk to the floor, curled up with his knees close to his chest. He was staring blankly at the door of his cellama. He didn't feel, didn't think, just stared. All night. He didn't notice the sound of the hatch on his door opening and he didn't hear the guards telling him he needed to eat this one. He didn't notice Molly and the head guard walk in.

"Aaron" Molly called out in a soothing voice. He didn't respond, couldn't respond, or even acknowledge she was in the room.

"I need a medic to come down to the shu now. Cell 5. Prisoner is unresponsive and appears to have broken his hand." Molly said quickly into he radio.

The head guard had backed out of the room looking completely horrified at the experience despite being warned.

"It's going to be alright Aaron, help is coming. It's okay." She called returning to the same tone of voice she used previously.

Once the medic arrived, Aaron was injected with a cocktail of pain meds and sedation. Before being placed on the bed that had been brought down and carried to the medical room to get his hand put in a cast and to sleep off the sedation.

Molly and the head guard returned to his office

"I'm sorry Molly, I should have took your professional advice more seriously. What do you advise we do now?" The head guard said, clearly looking guilty,  knowing the breakdown of an inmates could have been completely prevented if he had just listened to her in the first place.

Molly suggested a stay in the psychiatric ward so that he could be put on suicide watch. He needed to have help after his psychotic break. She also decided he could benefit a private visit from his family as she remembered how nervous he had been about seeing his fiance and knew he probably needed it. She decided it would be best to inform Robert of the circumstances.

"Hello it's Molly, the psychiatrist."

Robert felt his heart sink knowing that Aaron was in trouble again but he continued to listen.

"Aaron was sent to the segregation unit. And has had some sort of breakdown. I'm so sorry. We have sedated him and it should take him a couple days to become responsive but when he does is strongly advise you come and see him. Under the circumstances we can get you a private room, but again, only if he is up to it. I'm sorry I cannot do anything more."

"Thank you for telling me." Robert replied before hanging up the phone. This was bad. Aaron wasnt just having hard time. He was on suicide watch. He was far from okay and that meant Robert wasn't okay. He was so desperate to see Aaron and wasn't sure if he could handle not being allowed to again. He just had to hope he would be okay.


	8. So keep your "it'll get better's" and I'll keep my "I'll be just fine"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ooh psych

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimers -  
> Again never experienced myself  
> This is written in a way that would be expected from the characters and as if I was a character in the situation. It in no way shows my opinions and views as the writer but instead uses vocabulary Aaron or other members of the village would use.

"Aaron." He heard a voice call as his eyes opened. All he could see was the bright light that was emitted from the room. He had no idea where he was. The last thing he could remember was working out in the shu.

"W.... wh....where am I" he asked, his voice still broken and stuttered from only just waking up from the sedation. He could not describe the way he was feeling, he didn't even know how he felt. He was still groggy and disorientated. All he could feel was a sharp soothing pain soaring up his arm. He hoped he had not somehow got in more trouble. Not like that was possible in the shu but he had no memory.

"You are in medical. Now that you are awake we will escort you to psych. You had a mental breakdown and have broken your hand. We have put it in a cast. But Molly advised you to be put on suicide watch so the next few months are gonna be tough. We spoke to the head guard. Under the circumstances we do not believe it appropriate to extend your sentence. The fight will go undocumented on your behalf, but if you retaliate again we will be forced to consider thesee events when punishing you" Aaron just listened to what was being said, he nodded. He was feeling okay but was certain it was to do with the concoction of pills. He was glad he didn't have to put Robert and Liv through a longer sentence than he already had.

He was escorted to psych ward, after he had the all clear from the nurse as well as many tests to check he was physically okay, even if mentally he was far from it. Psych was exactly the way he imagined. The walls were white and tall, and it had more of a hospital feel than a prison. The beds were placed with the headboard against the wall and a whiteboard placed above it with the prisoners name as well as any special dietary requirements. At the foot of each bed there was a folder which contained the prescription of the inmates. The beds were also a lot nicer than in the cells. They reclined. Even if they did still have the plastic covering to them. He assumed that was more, in case there were any side effects rather than whatever reason the beds are plastic in f-wing. I don't know, to make all the prisoners insomniacs, just to punish them even more, or something.

He had never experienced anything like a psych ward. Some patients were so out of it they were staring into space, others looked completely messed up in the head. Fuck it was awful, being surrounded by basket cases. He didn't belong in some nut ward. He needed to get out of there as fast as humanly possible.  He found the nearest staff member.

"I think there has been some sort of mistake. Look, I don't know what they think I did, but I just fell, landed on my hand. I'm not crazy and I don't belong here." Aaron said. He knew he shouldn't be here but didn't think he had much of a choice.

"Look, Molly advised the head guard. We cannot let you out even if we wanted to. And from what we have heard about what happened you aren't exactly telling the tru...

"What do you mean not telling the truth, you weren't there! Did you see it? No. So don't try aren't doing tell me you know what's best, you don't know shit." Aaron interrupted. He didn't mean to be so rude and to snap back at her, he just gets so frustrated and then he can't stop himself. He guessed it was probably the only coping mechanism he had when he was younger. He hated being reminded of those times, before... before Jackson.  

"Obviously we are going to need to work in your anger. Look, there's not much we can do about it, and definitely not anything now, so why don't you go to art therapy and paint a nice picture."

He contemplated what the nurse had said, and decided that there was nothing better to do. His only other option was to sit in a room full of zombres who wanted his brain, and he really wasn't into that.

The only problem with art therapy. They expect you to create something, and Aaron was finding it difficult to escape an artistic block.

He wanted to paint something personal, something about Robert, but wasn't sure how to do that without exposing his sexuality. He figured most people in the room were so drugged they wouldn't remember,  but he didn't want to take that risk. He considered drawing his car and the tow truck from their first meeting, or the car they had their first time in. He figured the first one would bring back less awkward memorit's and so began to paint.

It was not like Aaron was a good artist, in fact he found it rather perplexing. He tried to draw an outline but no matter what he did, he just couldn't get it to look like it was made by an adult. He hated this new timetable. He felt like he was back in reception except it lasted until 6pm for tea and you still had to deal with zombies at night.

Oh well, at least he would be out of there soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. All my chapters have been a little bit short recently. (I'm trying to aim for 1000 words) but I promise the next chapter will be longer. And fluffier. (But don't expect too much I'm not trying to blow my own trumpet.)


	9. I need the other one to hold you, make you feel better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pure fluff. Well as pure as I can do. Maybe miss a couple paragraphs if you are, like me only prepared for fluff rn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Urgh I just wrote omg. My 'essex' is shining through. Also my brain is fried from revision. I have GCSE exams in like 7 weeks! Fuck!

Aaron was excited. He had put off spending time with Robert for so long. He didn't want to want to see Robert before and even though it was supposed to be private, he still wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of seeing him. Not like he could get private in a place like this but he knew that this was as private as he got. A prison guard keeping watch from outside the room was a luxury, even if just the thought of talking to Robert gave him chills.

He's a mess. He knows it, Robert knows it. And Aaron terrified to say something he didn't mean, lash out. He's scared Robert is going to lash out with him and argue with him and nothing can be done. What if they fight, hell what if they fall out? He can't lose him. They were going to get married when he got outside, that was a thing to look forward to. But it's difficult to look forward to the future when you're banged up in the psych ward of a prison. Not even in gen pop, F wing. No, he's stuck in the psych ward after going insane in a little tiny box that he was in for defending himself. Not that there is ever really such thing as defending yourself in a prison. It is all just no longer keeping your head down and becoming someone the guards better watch.

But he was seeing Robert and despite his head racing with what ifs, he was excited to see him. 

He was taken down a long corridor he has never seen before and invited towards one of the many doors. Now that it had become a reality to him all he could do was stand by the door, he couldn't force himself through the door knowing that Robert was standing the other side. He was so nervous.

He slowly walked through the door.

"Hey..." He said trying to break the silence that somehow seemed to echo through the room.

"Hi"... "I've missed having you home" Robert replied closing the gap between them until they were a normal conversation distance apart

"I haven't..." Aaron paused as a confused look swept across Robert's face. "There hasn't been a second where I haven't thought of you. It's the only way I've got through... it's the only way I've partially got through this in partially, not really at all in one piece" Robert relaxed, knowing what Aaron meant.

"I haven't been able to stop myself thinking about you either" Robert accepted. He didn't want to lie to Aaron ever, but this was honest. With anyone else, it would have definitely been too honest but he is trying. For Aaron. And it had been awfully difficult not having him around. More than Robert would ever care to admit.

Aaron closed the gap between them and pulled Robert in for a hug. It lingered more than Aaron had wanted considering they were in a prison and a guard was watching their every move. But they just stood.  Stood and hugged. Inhaling each other's familiar but unknown scents. Trying to remember everything about each other that had been lost. What it felt like sleeping together. How tired both of them were not having the other to hold. 

Rob pulled back a little to look at Aaron. Then pulled in again for a kiss. It was brisk and chaste but they were in a prison. And as much as they needed it, neither very much wanted anything more.

"Oh... oh I have news," Rob said excitedly completely flipping the romantic tone on its head "the appeal has come through, reckon you've got a couple weeks left. Condition that you get counseling because of your time in psych."

"Seriously? That's great."

"Yeah, I know. Can't wait to have you home"

"Can't wait to come home. How's liv? And me mum?" Aaron asked feeling slightly guilty that he hadn't brought up his family yet. Not like he didn't consider Robert family but it was unofficial. Liv and Chas. They are his family.

"No, they are doing okay. Liv's in trouble with school, but that's expected. I don't think she is struggling that much.  Chas is actually great. Even better now she knows about the appeal. She would really appreciate a phone call though"

"Yeah, yeah, I will. I'll call her I can't believe I'm coming home soon"

"Hey" they heard a voice call out behind them "I'm sorry guys but you are going to need to start to wrap this up."

"You know?" Aaron asked, not sure if he was being sentimental or conscious of the guard who was now watching them.

"I know" Robert replied,  pulling him for a second hug. They held each other tight, neither wanting to let go of the other but they had to. "A few more weeks" Robert pointed out, reminding him that they would be back together in a very small amount of time.

"A few more weeks" Aaron agreed before slowly making his way out of the room. He may have been anxious about seeing Robert at the start, but now he was content and just couldn't wait to get home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As emmerdale seems to like to make their stories unnecessarily abrupt (not like I have a problem with it but I thought I had more time to be a non canon canon fic that actuallygets reads) Aaron may have to get out slightly out of the blue because he is out soon (thank God. Pls help him and Rob tho. They don't deserf)


End file.
